Saturday, January 7, 2012
Is it wrong to feel this way?
First things first: Please do not insult me, or make me feel bad, or tell me how terrible I am, or he is, I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm looking for an answer, not insults or harment. Okay, I met this guy on Xbox through mutual friends. He's English, he's the sweetest guy in the world. We flirt, We do the craziest things together, even if he IS almost 3,500 miles away. Just ONE example would be the time we stayed up til 7 AM STRAIGHT ( 1 PM his time, I live in America BTW) together, with NO sleep, just talking, laughing, playing Black Ops, having a good time, making memories. We've fallen asleep talking to eachother on Xbox on more than one occasion. He is the sweetest guy I have ever met, and treats me way better than any other guy I have ever known. If we don't talk for awhile, he'll send me a facebook message telling me he misses me, and that he loves me. (In which way, not sure, probably a little bit of everything). We have so many inside jokes, and we always make eachother feel good. We always talk about how much we love eachother's accents, and we could talk about anything, and it wouldn't bore either of us. I get a lot of crap from people on Xbox, (being a girl and all) and he always sticks up for me, and makes them go away. Whenever I leave, to hangout with friends or whatever, he gets sad and tells me he doesn't want me to leave. Later in the day, I usually stay up really late in my time zone just to talk to him. He always tells me to get a good night's sleep, and gets kind of upset that I lose sleep over him. He cares about me, I know he does. He makes me feel so confident and secure, he likes me for who I am and never tries to change anything about me... We talk via Skype, Facebook, Xbox, etc. He has little pet names for me, and we can't go more than a week without speaking. Whenever we talk, we always learn something new about eachother, and we always have fun. He's so good to me. He's appreciated and given me more attention than any other guy I have dated or met. He calls me beautiful, he calls me pretty, he makes me feel amazing. A short while ago, I read this series I happen to 'stumble' upon at the library...about a man and a woman who meet up online, and build on their relationship, (it was odd how much those two sounded like us) and it really shocked me. I told him about it, and he would say "fate..." I almost feel that that book falling off the shelf and making me pick it up meant something. We talk about how much we want to meet eachother, and how I should come visit him someday. I already have some money saved and put aside for later, so I can go visit England some day, not even just for him, but I've always wanted to visit London. I love talking to him, and I guess you can say I feel strongly for him. We trust eachother with EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. Of course we fight sometimes, every person with a healthy relationship does, but we get over it in like 20 minutes. When we're away, I miss him so much. I'm forced to watch sappy love movies and read sappy love books. Even if it barely sounds anything like us, I can connect it to our relationship in some way. Not even the 3,085 characters I have left could be enough to describe how I feel or how many amazing times we've had. This all sounds great, right?! Except I'm 14...and he's 18......I......I know he's not in this for anything ual, we couldn't even if we wanted to, he's over 3,000 miles away, if he didn't care, he wouldn't talk to me anymore.. I know it sounds wrong...but look at the age gap between some married couples...I know it seems like he's weird, but I really have a feel for people, even at 14. I'm VERY mature for my age, and have been through a LOT of s*** in my life. (Which he has helped me get through, if I may add) I guess I could even say I'm more mentally mature than HIM! We have talked over webcam, so I know he isn't an old man, and honestly, he doesn't look 18. Maybe 16 at the oldest....I usually go for guys a little bit older, because at my age, they are SO immature & play too many games....Anyway... It seems wrong....but it feels really right. (Cheesy punchline ftw) I can't get him off my mind. Is it terrible that I'm feeling this way?
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